As some of you know the past few months have been an adventure in self exploration for me. I've looked at my job, my wardrobe and my relationships to name a few.
What has emerged is the theory mentioned in the title of this post. It seems as though I've been ignorant to how one is meant to feel when things are right and what you really want. Obviously life can't always be blissful and joyful, but an underlying feeling of contentment, satisfaction and lightness often accompanies decisions that are really right, yet I never paid attention to that. Apparently I had my thumb up my ass for the first 34 years of my life. Go figure.
All of these realizations made me start to contemplate where this came from. Where could I have picked all this up? How did I grow up not knowing to do things another way? Yep, I learned it from my family. The good old New England folks who live by the motto of making do with what you've got.
So what's up with living on the fringe and having a life that is only partially what you want? I have remedied the living situation to be something I want. The only thing more I could ask for would be to own a place and live in it with a husband, but otherwise, I adore my home. As far as clothing, I'd like Clinton and Stacey to show up and say, 'good lord woman, your clothes are super boring staples. Here's what you need to do to work with what you've got and where to shop to find things that are really you.' Until recently, there was no connection in my brain to the roll clothes play in self expression. I'm definitely guilty of not really wanting to be noticed. I was content to be in the background. Not anymore. I'd like to be noticed, to be memorable and to be someone who draws people to her.
As for the job thing, it is hard to get geared up this fall for another year of 1/2 of a job I really dislike and the other 1/2 that is close to what I want, but not quite it. Hopefully finishing the yoga program and taking the voice disorders class will give me the skill set I want to be able to launch my own thing, build it over whatever length of time necessary until I have a job that is really satisfying professionally.
It will be very nice to meet the guy who doesn't feel 'not quite' for me. May he show himself soon.
Basically, I'm here to announce to the Universe no more 'almost but not quite' living for me. Life's too short.
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