I just read a breaking news article on boston.com about a doctor in Kansas who was shot and killed. He provided abortion services and in particular, late term abortions to women (his clinic was one of only 3 in the nation that provided abortions to women after 21 weeks). The incongruity of someone who thinks abortion is murder yet they turn around and murder a doctor is something I will never be able to wrap my brain around.
There is no question it is a divisive issue and I don't claim to have all the answers about the morality behind the decision. What I do know from having worked at Planned Parenthood trying to educate people on how to not get pregnant and having had an abortion myself, is that it is a deeply personal and difficult decision. A decision that should be made by no one besides the woman in need.
There are so many arguments I could present about why I think abortion should remain safe and legal in this country, but the bottom line is I wish someone would stand up and say that the reality is as long as there is no 100% effective method of birth control. abortions are necessary. No one enjoys going through it and I'd bet most women just live with the hope that they won't ever need to to have one, but if they do, they deserve to receive the best care possible.
I have very distinct memories of my mom telling me how grateful she was when Roe V. Wade was passed in 1973, the year I was born. The case determined women had a right to terminate up until the point of viability - usually around 7 months, but sometimes 6. I remember her telling me how glad she was that her daughter would not have to grow up in a culture where abortions were forced into back alleys causing women to be maimed or killed from dirty instruments and a lack of provider training.
As I prepare to bring my own daughter into the world. I hold onto the hope that abortion will remain safe and legal in this country, that birth control become more readily available so fewer abortions are needed and that the doctors who provide them will not have judgement passed by another mortal being.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Crafty Crafty
Here's the stuff to make the purple hat with yellow flower leaves and a green stem. I'll post another pic when it is finished.
Peen or Vajayjay??
Today is the big day of finding out what flavor baby we are having. I've been pretty upfront with the Universe that I wanted a girl. I know at the end of the day it doesn't matter and I'll love whatever we have, but secretly, I wanted a girl. How could the crafty lady not have a little girl to pass that all on to??
So, we went today and did a survey of all the parts and pieces, had the brain measured, the heart, hands, feet etc all checked out. First off this kid really is spinning around. We have a running joke that Ben will say, "How are you Speedy?" and I reply "Oh, just spinning away Daddy." Apparently, we aren't that far off. There was so much movement the tech had a hard time getting measurements and I had to lie on both sides to finally get the baby to stop moving. I was asked multiple times if I was sure I hadn't had any caffeine this morning....nope, just cheerios, some cantalope and strawberries....
When it came time to check out the goodest goods, the baby's legs were tucked neatly up and there was a lot of ultrasound wand bouncing on my belly to get the baby to unfold. (aren't you impressed that I've gotten this far in the post without using gender?) I'll keep you in suspense no longer- we are having a girl!
YYYYYAAAAYYYYYYY.
I went straight to the yarn store and bought the makings of a pink sweater and a lavender hat with yellow flowers. Oh, this is gonna be fun!
So, we went today and did a survey of all the parts and pieces, had the brain measured, the heart, hands, feet etc all checked out. First off this kid really is spinning around. We have a running joke that Ben will say, "How are you Speedy?" and I reply "Oh, just spinning away Daddy." Apparently, we aren't that far off. There was so much movement the tech had a hard time getting measurements and I had to lie on both sides to finally get the baby to stop moving. I was asked multiple times if I was sure I hadn't had any caffeine this morning....nope, just cheerios, some cantalope and strawberries....
When it came time to check out the goodest goods, the baby's legs were tucked neatly up and there was a lot of ultrasound wand bouncing on my belly to get the baby to unfold. (aren't you impressed that I've gotten this far in the post without using gender?) I'll keep you in suspense no longer- we are having a girl!
YYYYYAAAAYYYYYYY.
I went straight to the yarn store and bought the makings of a pink sweater and a lavender hat with yellow flowers. Oh, this is gonna be fun!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Creative Suggestions Needed
Okay, so I need some input. I'm going to do some work this summer on my cottage business of voice teaching that is heavily laced with yoga and medical knowledge of the voice.
My goal is to teach both healthy voices and those returning from injury/surgery, offer yoga classes and workshops for singers and be a person who can do vocal health presentations at local schools and vocal groups.
What I need is a name and then a logo for my venture before I can launch a website...
I'd like a combination of the words 'Voice, Mind, Body and Boston' to be in the business name.
Suggestions?????
My goal is to teach both healthy voices and those returning from injury/surgery, offer yoga classes and workshops for singers and be a person who can do vocal health presentations at local schools and vocal groups.
What I need is a name and then a logo for my venture before I can launch a website...
I'd like a combination of the words 'Voice, Mind, Body and Boston' to be in the business name.
Suggestions?????
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
For the love of a book
If there is one thing I inherited from both of my parents it is a love of books. There is a distinction between a love of books and a love of reading, I think. I do love reading as well, but there is just something about a book. The way it feels in your hand. The weight of it somehow indicating the potential of the story inside. For me, knowing that I have 500 pages ahead is comforting. It is easy to get lost into the world of the story and engage with the lives of the characters. At the risk of sounding pathetic, they sort of become my family as I read and I'm always sad when book ends. Well, while I'm being honest, I'll say that even the smell of a bookstore when you walk in, all paper and ink, makes me happy. The memories associated with the time frame I read the book is also one of my favorite elements.
Eight years ago next month I started keeping a book journal to record my consumption of all things literary. I was in Italy at the time and looking back at the entries from that time period, I am immediately transported to the little room I shared with another woman, that had cross- stitched Disney characters on the walls and mattresses no more than 2 inches thick on our beds. So many books hold those kinds of memories for me. Looking at July of one summer, I am transported to a steamy Saturday morning when Lisa and I walked to the Coolidge Corner branch of the library to replentish our summer stash of books. Every August for the past few years Kat and I have gone to the book release party for Suzanne Brockmann's latest book. It is as though my book journal serves as a kind of calendar only I can understand.
Surveying the book journal it is a bit shocking to discover just how much I read on a yearly basis. My totals run from a low of 40 books in 2007, to a high of 66 books in 2006. The average seems to be somewhere in the high 40's with the greatest concentration happening over the summer months. That brings me to a resolution I made back in 1998 - I would not buy books anymore. This was made a time when I worked at BU, a mere one block from the Barnes and Noble in Kenmore Square. When one reads almost a book a week as I often do, lunch hours were frequently spent wandering through the stacks looking for the next good book to sink my teeth into and my latte effect was not CVS as I'd suspected, but the 50 plus dollars a month I was spending on books. For the last 11 years I've held to that resolution fairly well. It has been helped along by my mom getting advance copies from a friend of hers, Kat's mom sending her books that she passes along to me and living within walking distance of a library.
I'm always curious to know what others are reading, so I thought I'd post here the books I've marked over the last 8 years with a little star meaning I loved it. I know that so much of what made me love an individual book has little to do with whether or not I thought it is a work of great literary fiction and much more about whether it moved me in some way. So, for those who are interested, here you go, my starred books from the last 8 years:
The Red Tent, Anita Diamant
Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
The Alchemist, Paulo Coehlo
The Sound and the Fury, William Faulker
Posession, A.S. Byatt
The Last Life, Claire Messud
My Dream of You, Nuala O'Faiolain
Atonement, Ian MacEwan
Birth of Venus, Sarah Dunant
Joy Comes in the Morning, Jonathon Rosen
Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini
The Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niggenegger
Intuition, Allegra Goodman
A Year by the Sea, Joan Anderson
A Year of Wonders, Geraldine Brooks
The Historian, Elizabeth Kostova
The Lost Painting, Jonathon Harr
Friday Night Knitting Club, Kate Jacobs
Black Mass, Dick Lehr
With June just around the corner I can hardly wait to begin this summer's spate of reading glory. My night table already has a small pile accumulated and I can just feel a walk to the library coming on soon....
Eight years ago next month I started keeping a book journal to record my consumption of all things literary. I was in Italy at the time and looking back at the entries from that time period, I am immediately transported to the little room I shared with another woman, that had cross- stitched Disney characters on the walls and mattresses no more than 2 inches thick on our beds. So many books hold those kinds of memories for me. Looking at July of one summer, I am transported to a steamy Saturday morning when Lisa and I walked to the Coolidge Corner branch of the library to replentish our summer stash of books. Every August for the past few years Kat and I have gone to the book release party for Suzanne Brockmann's latest book. It is as though my book journal serves as a kind of calendar only I can understand.
Surveying the book journal it is a bit shocking to discover just how much I read on a yearly basis. My totals run from a low of 40 books in 2007, to a high of 66 books in 2006. The average seems to be somewhere in the high 40's with the greatest concentration happening over the summer months. That brings me to a resolution I made back in 1998 - I would not buy books anymore. This was made a time when I worked at BU, a mere one block from the Barnes and Noble in Kenmore Square. When one reads almost a book a week as I often do, lunch hours were frequently spent wandering through the stacks looking for the next good book to sink my teeth into and my latte effect was not CVS as I'd suspected, but the 50 plus dollars a month I was spending on books. For the last 11 years I've held to that resolution fairly well. It has been helped along by my mom getting advance copies from a friend of hers, Kat's mom sending her books that she passes along to me and living within walking distance of a library.
I'm always curious to know what others are reading, so I thought I'd post here the books I've marked over the last 8 years with a little star meaning I loved it. I know that so much of what made me love an individual book has little to do with whether or not I thought it is a work of great literary fiction and much more about whether it moved me in some way. So, for those who are interested, here you go, my starred books from the last 8 years:
The Red Tent, Anita Diamant
Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
The Alchemist, Paulo Coehlo
The Sound and the Fury, William Faulker
Posession, A.S. Byatt
The Last Life, Claire Messud
My Dream of You, Nuala O'Faiolain
Atonement, Ian MacEwan
Birth of Venus, Sarah Dunant
Joy Comes in the Morning, Jonathon Rosen
Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini
The Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niggenegger
Intuition, Allegra Goodman
A Year by the Sea, Joan Anderson
A Year of Wonders, Geraldine Brooks
The Historian, Elizabeth Kostova
The Lost Painting, Jonathon Harr
Friday Night Knitting Club, Kate Jacobs
Black Mass, Dick Lehr
With June just around the corner I can hardly wait to begin this summer's spate of reading glory. My night table already has a small pile accumulated and I can just feel a walk to the library coming on soon....
Friday, May 15, 2009
Transitions
Life has been on such rapid fast forward since January. Many times I've acknowledged that truth somewhere in my brain and I've wished for some time to stop and smell the roses about it all and just have a second to savor being engaged and to savor being pregnant. Okay, not the nausea part but, hello! I'm achieving two of my life's dreams here. That's big, savor-worthy news!
Between coping with first trimester exhaustion and nausea, merging our households, getting through the semester of teaching and planning the wedding, I've felt as though I have had no time to sit down and process much of anything. Somewhere I knew that the processing needed to happen at a bit of a distance from Ben. Not in a bad way, but just in a Sarah -is-this-way kind of way. When things are big, or bad, or difficult I know I need to step back to get perspective in life before moving forward.
Since we met we've been pretty inseparable and I love so much of that, but the Sarah who lived for almost 35 years without Ben and is fiercely independent could feel herself at times, needing to throw her arms wide in a space that only she occupied. Not only to process the change, but also to reconnect with me and remember who I am.
The sometimes solitary-ness of me is something I contemplate as I move ever closer towards marriage and particularly motherhood. Very soon I will have a little being who is a permanent, needy part of my life. In so many ways, I can't wait for that, but in others, I acknowledge that I will have moments of wanting to walk out the door and spend 3 days by myself on a deserted island. That balance will probably be something I always will have to work on.
I know, at times, it is hard for Ben to understand that in me. When we have disagreements he is a talk it out person until both people feel resolved. I find that my brain reaches total saturation of information and I need some time to sort through things before I can respond in a way that is thoughtful and not just emotionally charged and reactionary. Each time I hang in there as long as I can to try and meet his need to talk things out. I give him much credit that he is now able to pat me and say, "I know you need some time" and leave me be. In fact, it makes me love him more to know he is willing to do that for me because I know how very difficult that is for him.
With less than a week's notice, Ben found out he was going to New Mexico for work for this entire week. Last Sunday I dropped him off at the airport and he jetted off to Albuquerque and I returned to Arlington for a solo week. I think this is the time I have felt I have needed. After the first few hours of feeling a bit sad to be by myself I settled into a week of savoring having some 'me' time. That this week coincided with my first week of only working my summer schedule of 2 days a week only added to things.
In many ways it was a busy week for me. I saw a friend for dinner, had a board meeting at work, went out to Natick to Nate's Tball game, but I also just relaxed. I read, I slept, and had time to let the changes that have happened just roll around in my brain. The result is I am very much looking forward to Ben returning tonight and feel more like life is on play rather than fast forward.
Transitions will probably never be my strong suit, but I feel ready to move forward with all the ones that are in the pipeline and know in the future I need to be good when I reach these points about calling for some Sarah time to drop back and reflect while the household continues without me for a short period of time.
Between coping with first trimester exhaustion and nausea, merging our households, getting through the semester of teaching and planning the wedding, I've felt as though I have had no time to sit down and process much of anything. Somewhere I knew that the processing needed to happen at a bit of a distance from Ben. Not in a bad way, but just in a Sarah -is-this-way kind of way. When things are big, or bad, or difficult I know I need to step back to get perspective in life before moving forward.
Since we met we've been pretty inseparable and I love so much of that, but the Sarah who lived for almost 35 years without Ben and is fiercely independent could feel herself at times, needing to throw her arms wide in a space that only she occupied. Not only to process the change, but also to reconnect with me and remember who I am.
The sometimes solitary-ness of me is something I contemplate as I move ever closer towards marriage and particularly motherhood. Very soon I will have a little being who is a permanent, needy part of my life. In so many ways, I can't wait for that, but in others, I acknowledge that I will have moments of wanting to walk out the door and spend 3 days by myself on a deserted island. That balance will probably be something I always will have to work on.
I know, at times, it is hard for Ben to understand that in me. When we have disagreements he is a talk it out person until both people feel resolved. I find that my brain reaches total saturation of information and I need some time to sort through things before I can respond in a way that is thoughtful and not just emotionally charged and reactionary. Each time I hang in there as long as I can to try and meet his need to talk things out. I give him much credit that he is now able to pat me and say, "I know you need some time" and leave me be. In fact, it makes me love him more to know he is willing to do that for me because I know how very difficult that is for him.
With less than a week's notice, Ben found out he was going to New Mexico for work for this entire week. Last Sunday I dropped him off at the airport and he jetted off to Albuquerque and I returned to Arlington for a solo week. I think this is the time I have felt I have needed. After the first few hours of feeling a bit sad to be by myself I settled into a week of savoring having some 'me' time. That this week coincided with my first week of only working my summer schedule of 2 days a week only added to things.
In many ways it was a busy week for me. I saw a friend for dinner, had a board meeting at work, went out to Natick to Nate's Tball game, but I also just relaxed. I read, I slept, and had time to let the changes that have happened just roll around in my brain. The result is I am very much looking forward to Ben returning tonight and feel more like life is on play rather than fast forward.
Transitions will probably never be my strong suit, but I feel ready to move forward with all the ones that are in the pipeline and know in the future I need to be good when I reach these points about calling for some Sarah time to drop back and reflect while the household continues without me for a short period of time.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Bravery is...
...trying on your wedding dress when you're 4 months pregnant, have another 5 weeks to go, are witnessing the daily expansion of your belly and marveling at the now, um, larger size of your own boobs.
Happy to report it still fit. The belly part was totally fine, not even snug yet and you can't tell in the dress that I'm pregnant. Plus there is 2.5 inches of seaming on either side that can be let out if need be. Barring massive growth in the next month it should be good. The part that I never thought would be an issue, but has potential is in the boobs/ribcage. Like, all the stuff in my abdomen that is getting shoved up is making my lower ribs expand and that part was snugger than I expected.
I'll be honest, it made me wish I was getting married this month, which was my original wish. The dress fits now and I don't want to worry for the next month over how much I'm growing or second guess my eating habits. In the words of Tim Gunn, I will have to rely on the tailor who is expert in dealing with pregnant brides to 'make it work'.
Happy to report it still fit. The belly part was totally fine, not even snug yet and you can't tell in the dress that I'm pregnant. Plus there is 2.5 inches of seaming on either side that can be let out if need be. Barring massive growth in the next month it should be good. The part that I never thought would be an issue, but has potential is in the boobs/ribcage. Like, all the stuff in my abdomen that is getting shoved up is making my lower ribs expand and that part was snugger than I expected.
I'll be honest, it made me wish I was getting married this month, which was my original wish. The dress fits now and I don't want to worry for the next month over how much I'm growing or second guess my eating habits. In the words of Tim Gunn, I will have to rely on the tailor who is expert in dealing with pregnant brides to 'make it work'.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Puttin on the Purty
Lisa and Michelle nicely accompanied me to MAC today to play with makeup and see what I wanted for the wedding.
This is the before shot, looking woeful as all good before shots do.
This is the before shot, looking woeful as all good before shots do.
Trying to watch as she put stuff on me so I could have a hope of doing it myself later.
'Ze finished product. I do like it a lot though I think I'll go a little lighter on the foundation.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Contemplations
We need to figure out the nuts and bolts of our wedding ceremony in fairly short order so I've been turning some things over in my mind. There are so many elements of marriage that have historical origins that I just can't get with. (see my earlier post on name changing - BTW, I've decided to keep my name.) Here's what I've discovered:
The Veil: When I tried on dresses, my mom wanted me to try out a veil. So, I did, but I didn't love it. I had never thought I'd have a veil (the last one I wore was my mother's when I was about 7 and was the Bride of Frankenstein for Halloween). Recently, I've been contemplating my hair do for the wedding and have a strong conviction that I want to look like me and not some souped up, on stage version of me. But, I came back to the veil as something I should maybe think about. So I did. I looked it up on ye old internet and here's an excerpt of what I found on ourmarriage.com: "The bride's veil...usually shrouded her from head to foot, and has since the earliest of times, denoted the subordination of a woman to man....The lifting of the veil at the end of the ceremony symbolizes male dominance. " YUCK. That puts that issue to bed. No veil for me.
Being Given Away: Obviously, I don't have a father alive to give me away, but even when he was alive, I never thought I'd have someone walk me down the aisle. I was fairly sure the whole concept was linked back to the time when women were sort of traded as a commodity from one family to another. ourmarriage.com tells me this about the event - "In times when women were granted few privileges and even fewer personal rights, the bride was literally given away to the groom by the father, usually in exchange for monetary gain." YUCK AGAIN. However, they do also say, "Today, it is seen as symbolic of the blessings and support of her union as a promise of continued trust and affection." I like that idea much better. If I were to have someone walk me down the aisle, I'd like to ask my Godfather, who has always been a strong paternal figure in my life. This is still an option and I may ask him.
Having something blue: Ben and I were talking about the whole "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" saying and wondering what the blue business was all about. Again, from the same website: "Brides of ancient Israel wore blue ribbons on the border of their wedding cloths to denote, love, modesty and fidelity. These are ideals still associated today with that color. Blue also denotes the purity of the Virgin Mary and is the most popular of all colors. " Weeeeellll. I think it is safe to say being 5 months pregnant at my wedding will rule out the whole virginal thing. My suggestion to Ben was that I wear my blue thong as my blue element. Given the origins of the tradition and my general irreverence, that seems like an even better idea now!
There are a whole bunch of other things about weddings answered on this site. The one that caught my eye was the Honeymoon. I see it as a reward for working hard to put the event together. They say, "In ancient times, many of the first marriages were by capture, not choice. When early man felt it was time to take a bride, he would often carry off an unwilling woman to a secret place where her relatives wouldn't find them. While the moon went through all its phases, (about 30 days) they hid from the searchers and drank a brew made from honey. Hence, we get the word, honeymoon."
Ahhh, women's lib. You gotta love it!
The Veil: When I tried on dresses, my mom wanted me to try out a veil. So, I did, but I didn't love it. I had never thought I'd have a veil (the last one I wore was my mother's when I was about 7 and was the Bride of Frankenstein for Halloween). Recently, I've been contemplating my hair do for the wedding and have a strong conviction that I want to look like me and not some souped up, on stage version of me. But, I came back to the veil as something I should maybe think about. So I did. I looked it up on ye old internet and here's an excerpt of what I found on ourmarriage.com: "The bride's veil...usually shrouded her from head to foot, and has since the earliest of times, denoted the subordination of a woman to man....The lifting of the veil at the end of the ceremony symbolizes male dominance. " YUCK. That puts that issue to bed. No veil for me.
Being Given Away: Obviously, I don't have a father alive to give me away, but even when he was alive, I never thought I'd have someone walk me down the aisle. I was fairly sure the whole concept was linked back to the time when women were sort of traded as a commodity from one family to another. ourmarriage.com tells me this about the event - "In times when women were granted few privileges and even fewer personal rights, the bride was literally given away to the groom by the father, usually in exchange for monetary gain." YUCK AGAIN. However, they do also say, "Today, it is seen as symbolic of the blessings and support of her union as a promise of continued trust and affection." I like that idea much better. If I were to have someone walk me down the aisle, I'd like to ask my Godfather, who has always been a strong paternal figure in my life. This is still an option and I may ask him.
Having something blue: Ben and I were talking about the whole "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" saying and wondering what the blue business was all about. Again, from the same website: "Brides of ancient Israel wore blue ribbons on the border of their wedding cloths to denote, love, modesty and fidelity. These are ideals still associated today with that color. Blue also denotes the purity of the Virgin Mary and is the most popular of all colors. " Weeeeellll. I think it is safe to say being 5 months pregnant at my wedding will rule out the whole virginal thing. My suggestion to Ben was that I wear my blue thong as my blue element. Given the origins of the tradition and my general irreverence, that seems like an even better idea now!
There are a whole bunch of other things about weddings answered on this site. The one that caught my eye was the Honeymoon. I see it as a reward for working hard to put the event together. They say, "In ancient times, many of the first marriages were by capture, not choice. When early man felt it was time to take a bride, he would often carry off an unwilling woman to a secret place where her relatives wouldn't find them. While the moon went through all its phases, (about 30 days) they hid from the searchers and drank a brew made from honey. Hence, we get the word, honeymoon."
Ahhh, women's lib. You gotta love it!
Fascinating...
...the official word is out at work. Everyone knows I'm pregnant; students, alumni, co-workers, bosses etc. It is quite fun to have everyone so excited, especially since I'm at a point of having more energy and feeling better nausea wise.
An interesting twist is the freedom with which people, whom I don't really know all that well, share with me their own stories (usually some element of horror attached) about pregnancy and birth. Today, a woman at the staff meeting cornered me afterward to tell me how much she hated being pregnant. Um, thanks?
Weird, I never would have expected this, but there you have it. People feel free to share when they want.
An interesting twist is the freedom with which people, whom I don't really know all that well, share with me their own stories (usually some element of horror attached) about pregnancy and birth. Today, a woman at the staff meeting cornered me afterward to tell me how much she hated being pregnant. Um, thanks?
Weird, I never would have expected this, but there you have it. People feel free to share when they want.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
So the cat's on prozac
Yep. After talking with the Vet we decided to try some prozac to see if it would help dear old Calliope mellow out a bit. She's had a rough adjustment to Ben moving in and her little world being rocked. She went from ruling the roost to no longer being allowed in the bedroom first just at night and now at all. Her startle reflex is pretty darn high and she will usually hiss when he walks into the room. I think she feels cornered for some reason and will freak.
The idea to put her in the basement when we went to bed was mine. I grew up in a house where kitties went in the basement at night when it was too cold to go outside. She has loved having a little space down there. I got another bed, some extra food dishes and a litter box. At night, when we started this, I'd just call to her, open the door and she'd come trotting from wherever she was upstairs and happily go right down stairs.
Ben is mildly allergic to cats and after living together for a while he woke up with shortness of breath that he attributed to asthma, likely caused by his cat allergy. So, in an effort to reduce nighttime exposure to cat hairs and dander, we just kept her out of the bedroom completely. This sort of added to her trauma because under the bed was the place she retreated to when scared in the past.
Okay, enough of the back story. Let's get to the good part of all her lovely personality changes since being put on drugs.....the first couple of days she seemed to sleep a lot. Then she seemed to lose some interest in her food (not a bad thing as the vet has been wanting her to lose some weight) and didn't always eat all of her dinner. But there is some kind of kitty paranoia that has settled in. The second she hears Ben coming in the door she bolts for the basement and doesn't come back out. A few times when I've walked into the room she has hissed at me, something she has never done before. No longer does she 'chat' with me in the morning when I let her out of the basement and make my breakfast. She also never asks for her dinner and last night I fed her at 6pm and she just sniffed it - this from the animal what would kick the dinner campaign off at 3pm if anyone was in the house. Seldom does she want to jump up into my lap and she winces when I pet her head like she's afraid I'm going to hit her.
All in all, I decided last night that enough was enough. I feel like a horrible pet owner to have put her on drugs in the first place. We were supposed to give her 2 solid weeks for the medication to take effect, but I think 10 days was enough. I only hope that if we take her off of it, her little brain will go back to where it was, not stay in this place or move somewhere worse. I called the Vet this morning to discuss, but I kinda don't care what she says, I can't keep doing this to my kitty.
The idea to put her in the basement when we went to bed was mine. I grew up in a house where kitties went in the basement at night when it was too cold to go outside. She has loved having a little space down there. I got another bed, some extra food dishes and a litter box. At night, when we started this, I'd just call to her, open the door and she'd come trotting from wherever she was upstairs and happily go right down stairs.
Ben is mildly allergic to cats and after living together for a while he woke up with shortness of breath that he attributed to asthma, likely caused by his cat allergy. So, in an effort to reduce nighttime exposure to cat hairs and dander, we just kept her out of the bedroom completely. This sort of added to her trauma because under the bed was the place she retreated to when scared in the past.
Okay, enough of the back story. Let's get to the good part of all her lovely personality changes since being put on drugs.....the first couple of days she seemed to sleep a lot. Then she seemed to lose some interest in her food (not a bad thing as the vet has been wanting her to lose some weight) and didn't always eat all of her dinner. But there is some kind of kitty paranoia that has settled in. The second she hears Ben coming in the door she bolts for the basement and doesn't come back out. A few times when I've walked into the room she has hissed at me, something she has never done before. No longer does she 'chat' with me in the morning when I let her out of the basement and make my breakfast. She also never asks for her dinner and last night I fed her at 6pm and she just sniffed it - this from the animal what would kick the dinner campaign off at 3pm if anyone was in the house. Seldom does she want to jump up into my lap and she winces when I pet her head like she's afraid I'm going to hit her.
All in all, I decided last night that enough was enough. I feel like a horrible pet owner to have put her on drugs in the first place. We were supposed to give her 2 solid weeks for the medication to take effect, but I think 10 days was enough. I only hope that if we take her off of it, her little brain will go back to where it was, not stay in this place or move somewhere worse. I called the Vet this morning to discuss, but I kinda don't care what she says, I can't keep doing this to my kitty.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Stalin, you say?
It seems as though no wedding planning is complete without a few surreal moments. This past weekend we found ourselves again in the wilds of Maine to finish up the big stuff; marriage license, flowers and the cake. The license part was easy, we just stopped in a the town building told them why we were there and they handed one over (note, no one checked our photo id's to verify we were who we said we were or seemed to care that we didn't have a notorized copy of Ben's divorce agreement...his comment; "well, I know where to move if I want to be a poligamist"
The cake was also easy. We stopped in at Riverstone's pastry to complete the transaction I'd begun last month. We tasted the chocolate cake, decided on filling (one layer of chocolate mousse, one of buttercream) and were done. Easy peasy, just how I like it.
The flowers were another story. To cut to the chase, I have ended up with flowers I am thrilled with - they are perhaps the element of the wedding that I am most excited about. Getting to that point was another story.
We started at Flower Drum Florist, in Conway. We had an appointment with Adrian who was to guide us on our way to the flowers of my dreams. I kid you not, this was one of the weirdest hours of my life.
I tried to be upfront that I don't really have a color scheme for the wedding, but that I like saturated colors over pastels. He tried to gently tell me that usually the bride had softer colors and the bridesmaids carried the more bold bouquets...Uhhh, pardon me, but isn't this my wedding? He had no pictures of bouquets to show us, just laminated pages with 1.5 inch photos of various flowers. Many that I said I liked he commented, "oh, those won't hold up well." The ones he liked and recommended were fine, but not really me. They weren't bold or exciting, they were just 'meh.
In the middle of our conversation his dog decided to join us. The dog's name is Stalin. Why you would name an animal the same name as a leader who was responsible for the death of millions of people is a bit beyond me, ya know? Anyway, this affable ridgeback ambled out to greet us. My mom pet the dog's head, but when she removed her hand he barked fairly viciously. Okay, she put it back on his head and looked at me.I think the between the two of us we pet the dog pretty constantly until it left to bark at two elderly women who came into the shop. That just can't be good for business. He also told us Stalin was a rescue dog who was given up for growling at a 2 year old....Adrian left us no fewer than 5 times in our hour there always returning apologetically, but never ceasing to get up to answer the phone and do other things. We finally settled on a bouquet option for me and flower options for the other folks, but it felt like just that, settling. The final straw for me was when he tried to tell me I should really put my cake on a mirror to display it....no, thanks! I'll leave you and your hitler mustache and genocidical (is that a word) dog to your 80's ideas on flowers. I'm a rule bender thank you very much.
We grabbed some lunch and moved on to florist option number 2; Dutch Bloemen Winkel. I knew the moment we walked in this was the place for me. She only does weddings and special occasions. She had binders full of options and didn't bat an eye when I said I liked saturated colors. What I ended up with is a bouquet of white, deep pink and red roses along with some deep pink calla lilies and white stephanotis. Everyone else who gets a flower will have some version of my bouqet. She was happy to take my ideas and spin them out to create a unified look amongst everything. She was even willing to sew onto my bouquet the pearls that my great grandmother wore on her wedding dress. So easy, so simple and soooo what I want. I can't wait for my wedding flowers!
The cake was also easy. We stopped in at Riverstone's pastry to complete the transaction I'd begun last month. We tasted the chocolate cake, decided on filling (one layer of chocolate mousse, one of buttercream) and were done. Easy peasy, just how I like it.
The flowers were another story. To cut to the chase, I have ended up with flowers I am thrilled with - they are perhaps the element of the wedding that I am most excited about. Getting to that point was another story.
We started at Flower Drum Florist, in Conway. We had an appointment with Adrian who was to guide us on our way to the flowers of my dreams. I kid you not, this was one of the weirdest hours of my life.
I tried to be upfront that I don't really have a color scheme for the wedding, but that I like saturated colors over pastels. He tried to gently tell me that usually the bride had softer colors and the bridesmaids carried the more bold bouquets...Uhhh, pardon me, but isn't this my wedding? He had no pictures of bouquets to show us, just laminated pages with 1.5 inch photos of various flowers. Many that I said I liked he commented, "oh, those won't hold up well." The ones he liked and recommended were fine, but not really me. They weren't bold or exciting, they were just 'meh.
In the middle of our conversation his dog decided to join us. The dog's name is Stalin. Why you would name an animal the same name as a leader who was responsible for the death of millions of people is a bit beyond me, ya know? Anyway, this affable ridgeback ambled out to greet us. My mom pet the dog's head, but when she removed her hand he barked fairly viciously. Okay, she put it back on his head and looked at me.I think the between the two of us we pet the dog pretty constantly until it left to bark at two elderly women who came into the shop. That just can't be good for business. He also told us Stalin was a rescue dog who was given up for growling at a 2 year old....Adrian left us no fewer than 5 times in our hour there always returning apologetically, but never ceasing to get up to answer the phone and do other things. We finally settled on a bouquet option for me and flower options for the other folks, but it felt like just that, settling. The final straw for me was when he tried to tell me I should really put my cake on a mirror to display it....no, thanks! I'll leave you and your hitler mustache and genocidical (is that a word) dog to your 80's ideas on flowers. I'm a rule bender thank you very much.
We grabbed some lunch and moved on to florist option number 2; Dutch Bloemen Winkel. I knew the moment we walked in this was the place for me. She only does weddings and special occasions. She had binders full of options and didn't bat an eye when I said I liked saturated colors. What I ended up with is a bouquet of white, deep pink and red roses along with some deep pink calla lilies and white stephanotis. Everyone else who gets a flower will have some version of my bouqet. She was happy to take my ideas and spin them out to create a unified look amongst everything. She was even willing to sew onto my bouquet the pearls that my great grandmother wore on her wedding dress. So easy, so simple and soooo what I want. I can't wait for my wedding flowers!
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